1.    My boyfriend of 2 years just proposed to me last week. We are deeply in love with each other and I can’t wait to be his wife. The problem is, we have different religions. I’m a Buddhist and he’s a Christian. Although both our families never said anything about this, I’m afraid this will affect us in future. Should I convert to his religion or should he convert into mine?

Congratulations on your engagement, that’s a wonderful news. To be in love, to be engaged and about to be married are the greatest feeling anyone can experience. As to your different religions and whether or not one of you should convert to another’s religion, I’d say please hold on that thought first.

First of all, how much do you love each other and how deep is your faith in your own religion? If you feel that your religion is the best answer for you, it’s your calling and no other religion suits you, then why should you convert to another religion just because your fiancé is in another religion than yours?

If you do convert your religion to your fiancé’s, then sooner or later you won’t find happiness in your ‘new’ religion and you may even convert back to your original religion. Isn’t that is the same then?

So, you should ask another question. How much do you love your partner and how much toleration and understanding both of you are giving to each other. If right now, not being married yet, you guys can live with each other even though you are at different religions and everything goes along well, why should you change your religion then? If it’s not broken, what’s there to fix?

The keys to successful relationship and marriage among two different religions are that you both should tolerate, understand and respect each other. When your partner needs to go to the church, respect and let him do so. Don’t stop him from doing it. The same goes to him. If you need to go to Vihara (... [Read More]

1.      My boyfriend and I have been dating for a total of 3 years now, but we always get into argument. Whenever we had big argument, he would break up with me. Then few weeks later we would get together again as if nothing ever happen, and then it will repeat again. I know I love him, so as he, but I’m tired of this on-off-on again relationship. Please advice.

Laura (Irvine, CA)

What a ‘happening’ relationship you have with your boyfriend. This may sound harsh, but I just have to say it. It seems both of you are not really into this relationship anymore. I think deep down you do know about this too, otherwise you won’t write this to me.  

In every healthy and wise relationship, every argument should never lead into breaking-up solution, as that’s going to leave scar in both of you, no matter how. Slowly that scars will build up and eventually it will become unavoidable that you have to ‘take out’ that scars from yourself.

Whenever a couple is in an argument, they should discuss it with open mind. When you are in argument and full with emotion, try to leave the room for awhile to calm yourself first. Never try to have argument when you are very emotional, because you will end up saying things that you will regret later on.

If both of you truly treasure your relationship, never say the word “Break Up” anymore whenever both of you have argument; try to work it out and make it work.

However, if you are always get into argument with your boyfriend on every little thing; it is time for you think if that’s a relationship you want to have forever. I don’t know what kind of things that make you both argue, it could be major things (like cheating with another woman) but it could also be nothing at all (like being late for appointment, forget anniversary).

Don’t you feel tired to always have to argue on everything? ... [Read More]

   I have been dating my boyfriend for over 4years now. He’s a wonderful man, really love and care for me, and very patient. However, he always said he’s not ready to get married whenever I ask when we will get married. His reason is his career is not stable yet, he doesn’t have enough money for marriage, house and children; and he still prefers dating over marriage life. What should I do?

Karina  (Los Angeles, CA)

Hmm…this is quite a tricky one since I only hear from your part and none from him. I could only give advice based on your question though.

I have two things to point here. First, have you really sit down and talk with him about marriage? How does he react whenever you mentioned marriage? Would he just change topic immediately, ignore your question, get angry at you, laugh or he would discuss it calmly and seriously with you?

If he is willing to discuss marriage with you calmly and openly with you, it shows he does plan marriage with you. Maybe what he said above are true, that his career is not stable and he still need to save more money before he can get married, so he can provide you with enough money, food and a house to live in.

But do tell him you can’t wait indefinitely for that to happen. Ask him to give you some timeline, maybe 1 year or 2 years. If he is truly in love with you and seriously wants to marry you, he will make that promise to you and marry you ASAP before you give up on him and move on to other man. He needs to think about your situation too, not all is always about him only.

However, if he always avoid marriage topic, you have to think twice about your boyfriend. You need to think and feel it for yourself how you really feel about him. Do you really feel truly happy and blessed being with him? Ask yourself, how has he been treating you all along, honestly? Ask yourself what is it about him that ... [Read More]

1)   I'm just wondering how to get my ex out of my head. I just want to forget about him. Every time I try not to talk to him, he either calls me or I start thinking about him. I just don't know what to do so I was wondering if you could help me.

Amy (Berkeley, CA)

To get over a relationship is not easy especially if you still love that person so much. That love feeling you had to begin with in the first place is built up gradually, not by overnight; so it isn’t easy to get rid of it by overnight too.

The first step I’d suggest you to do is to stop all contacts from him all together. You can block all of his calls, immediately delete any text messages and email you received from him, and block him from all of your IM.

By not knowing or hearing any update or news about him and by not knowing his whereabouts will make it far easier for you to forget about him. And eventually, you will forget about him all together, as if he’s just a distant memory from your past. 

Now, I don’t know much about him, but it sounds like he is trying to make you feel miserable by keep on contacting you after you have broken up, to make sure you are still hurting by it and to make sure he still got the game. Some men are like that; they are so full of ego, instead of crying and feeling so heartbroken and miserable over the break up, they will turn that misery by ‘torturing’ the ex girlfriend’s feeling by the occasionally “checking up” on them.

The next step you should do is to busy yourself. Get into activity, any activity. Maybe it’s about time for you to sign up to that dance class you have wanted to do since last year, or that art class, learn how to cook, or even sign up on that gym membership at your local gym.

Trust me, when you start doing all that, you will forget about him as quick as tornado passing thru. Plus, you will start... [Read More]